Tuesday, 22 September 2015

#Piggate: Does it really matter where the Prime Minister once “put a private part of his anatomy”?

So, the big question on everyone's lips today (and for the next day or so until people get bored of it or it gets roundly disproved) is: Did British Prime Minister David Cameron once face-fuck a dead pig?

Cameron not-fucking a not-dead pig
It's not the sort of question one expects to have to ask, but there you go. Allegations have been made. Anyone now not imagining the Prime Minister's cum face as he wanks off into the mouth of dead pig has got more self-restraint than me, quite frankly.

The dead-pig-face-fucking incident supposedly took place during Cameron's Oxford university days as part of an initiation rite in order to join the exclusive Piers Gaveston Society, a men-only dining club named after the supposed lover of Edward II. A society which is all about the debauchery. Sex, drugs, cross-dressing and, apparently sticking one's dick into once-living creatures.

Sources are claiming that Cameron was never a member of 'Piers Gav' (as it is referred to by the sort of twunts who join exclusive dining clubs for white upper-class wankers). Even if that's true it doesn't disprove the incident. Maybe he failed the initiation test. Maybe the PM's dead-pig-face-fucking skills aren't all that. Although, it's hard to imagine how one might mess up a task like that. Failing to finish, maybe?

Similar sort of incident from Charlie Brooker's Black Mirror episode "The National Anthem".
Brooker has said he didn't know anything about the supposed incident before writing this. And actually seems proper freaked out that all his horrible Black Mirror predictions are going to come true.
Leaving aside the issue of whether this is true of not (and it probably isn't true), is it a big deal that David Cameron may have stuck his todger in the mouth of a dead pig during an evening of youthful exuberance? Obviously, shagging dead people isn't on. Nor is shagging live animals. Dead animals, though - well there's no law against it, is there? Does the dead pig care whether it's going to end up being made into cat food or acting as a receptacle for the future Prime Minister's bollock yogurt?

From a vegetarian point of view, I'm probably against it. But is it really worse than, for example, going balls deep in a dish of sherry trifle? Or wanking into the hummus? Haven't we all done something like that in our University days?

I'm not really excusing it. But as far as the exploits of the cuntish leader of the cuntish Conservative party goes, hypothetical dead-pig-face-fucking comes a long way down in the list of Things That Are Really Cunty.

(I did consider trying not to swear too much in this blog post and then remembered that I would be talking about the Conservative party and that not using the 'c' word repeatedly would be impossible.)

Whether or not Cameron managed to get into Piers Gav, it is a matter of public record that he was a member of the Bullingdon Club - an equally twattish Oxford rich-boy wank-fest.

Back row, second from left: Prime Minister, David Cameron
Front row, right (seated): Mayor of London, Boris Johnson.
Full line up. Back row (left to right): cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt
Front row (left to right): cunt, cunt, cunt
Alongside their reputation for smashing places up for shits 'n' giggles, this is a society whose initiation rites included burning a fifty pound note in front of a beggar. Compared to that kind of Grade A Cuntery, performing sex acts on a dead pig's head seems positively delightful.

And we know that about Cameron. The British electorate still saw fit to elect his party back into office so that they could carry out their comprehensive 'Austerity' measures of screwing the poor, the disadvantaged and the disabled into the ground while pandering to the Super-Rich wankfucks that they went to school with. Because that's what the Conservative party does. Honestly, apart from the hilarity factor, I don't give a shiny shit what David Cameron chooses to do with his penis.

As a pervert, I will defend every man's right to stick his dick into whatever will give him pleasure. As long as nobody is being abused or taken advantage of in the process, obviously. 

Hey, if this is your thing, you go for it, sunshine.
I had a look on FetLife earlier to see if there were any "Face-fucking Dead Pigs" groups. FetLife fetish lists being very much the equivalent of Rule 34 of the internet. If you can imagine it, then there's probably a FetLife group enthusiastically espousing its pleasures. No luck on the dead pig thing, though. There were "Having Sex with Food" groups, sure and another one where people liked to imagine (literally) spit-roasting "Human Pigs". But as far as sticking your willy into the mouth of a dead pig goes, apparently David Cameron is on his own.

Not that I'm saying this is an actual fetish of Cameron's. Although if it is, then jolly well own it, man, for goodness sakes. Face-fuck dead pigs because you want to. Not because the Big Boys told you to.

Unless this story develops into something far more unsavoury, the dead-pig-fucking aspect of this story will probably more-or-less kinda blow over for David "Pig Fucker" Cameron. There were other aspects to this allegation including drug-taking (which is not a big deal) and his knowledge of Ashcroft's non-dom tax status (which really is).

I'm sure my final point is being made right now all over the internet, but it deserves saying again. David Cameron (allegedly) fucking a dead pig, didn't hurt anybody. However, his party's current policies of slashing benefits including Disability Living Allowance are dangerously hurting many, many vulnerable adults and children right now. It doesn't matter how many dead pigs Cameron may or may not have stuck his penis into during his privileged years at Oxford University, it is what he is doing right now that makes him a wanker of the highest order.