Sunday, 14 June 2015

Kissing Part 2

This is my 'K' post for the Spanking A-Z Blog Challenge. "What's that?" you ask. Check out my page here for more information and a list of all the wonderful bloggers taking part.

A year ago when I undertook this insane Spanking A to Z blog challenge for the first time, I wrote a blog post called K is for Kissing.

As I said at the time "I've compiled a list of some of my favourite on-screen kisses. I've stuck to M/F tongue wrestling to keep the numbers down. I think M/M and F/F kiss scenes require a whole separate post of their own."

If you've been waiting with bated breath for the last twelve months to find out what my favourite same sex onscreen kisses are, then your time has come at last! Hurray! Celebrate by grabbing the nearest same sex person and sticking your tongue down their throat in an enthusiastic manner. (Only if you're sure they would be up for it, mind. Otherwise it could be awkward. And illegal.)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

I've spoken before about my huge and enthusiastic love for Buffy the Vampire Slayer. My heterosexual kissing blog post featured Cordelia and Doyle's kiss from the Buffy spin-off series Angel. I also mentioned Buffy/Angel and Buffy/Spike kissing at the time because, seriously, there was some really good kissing on that show.

And you know what else that TV programme about a teenage vampire slayer had? Best lesbian couple EVER. Willow and Tara bonded through their shared skills in witchcraftery in Season Four. And then they fell in love. It was beautifully and understatedly handled. There was never an after-school special "Sometimes a girl might develop feelings for another girl and THAT'S OK' vibe about it. They were two lovely people who were obviously right for one another and it just sort of blended seamlessly into a show full of vampires, demons, killer robots, Government-created Frankenstein-y monsters and the like.

It's surprising to realise that the first onscreen kiss between Willow and Tara didn't happen until the Season Five episode, "The Body". That was a grim episode which dealt with the entirely mundane-and-not-due-to-any-mythological-monsters death of Buffy's mom, Joyce.

The kiss was necessary and sincere. Tara was reassuring her panicked and grief-stricken lover who was trying to process her feelings about the death of her best friend's mother.

And some viewers still complained about it. Because some people are awful.

Doctor Who / Torchwood

The first time we meet Captain Jack Harkness is in the Doctor Who episode The Empty Child, which takes place during the Second World War. The Doctor's assistant, Rose is in a perilous position hanging on for dear life and Harkness is checking her out with his binoculars. "Nice bottom," he says. His companion, Algy, looks a little put out by the remark. "I say, old man. There's a time and a place," he says.

Captain Jack rushes off to save the damsel in distress but not before telling Algy "You've got an excellent bottom too" and slapping him on the arse. Algy looks incredibly happy about it.

It's a wonderful introduction to the character of Captain Jack, establishing his bisexuality in about four lines. And this is in a programme aired at tea time and aimed at children, don't forget. Because the wonderful  Russell T "Queer as Folk" Davies was the man responsible for making Doctor Who cool again. And as well as being one of the best television writers ever, he is a homosexual man who loves to include all kinds of gayness into everything he writes. God bless him.

There was a spin-off Doctor Who series called Torchwood. ('Torchwood' being an anagram of 'Doctor Who'.) Torchwood was basically "Doctor Who for Grown Ups". Of course, grown-ups already watch Doctor Who. (Or at least those with any sense do.) The first couple of seasons of Torchwood were basically "Doctor Who with more swearing and nakedness" and then it became "Doctor Who if everything was grimmer and more awful and all the good people died."

And throughout all the threats to the planet from hostile aliens (and they're literally always at it. It's a good thing we've got Torchwood), flamboyant, egocentric Captain Jack Harkness fell in love with his sweet, quiet Welsh co-worker Ianto Jones. There were some wonderful kisses between the two of them. Because you'd think Ianto would be all subservient to the time travelling immortal future-man who is also technically his boss. But, no, when it comes to kissing, Ianto was very good at taking the lead.


And while we're talking about the lovely and amazing Russell T "Queer as Folk" Davies, my absolute favourite television programme so far this year has been Cucumber (and its sister programmes Banana and Tofu.)

The story focuses mostly on middle-aged Henry who splits with his long-term lover, Lance, in the first episode following a disastrous date night and then Henry's life gets progressively weirder. It was a gripping story which I sometimes had to watch through my fingers as parts of it were too heartbreaking to watch without the protection that partially splayed fingers can provide.

I was reluctant to include the scene below because it's not really a gay kiss. The lads making out to Katy Perry's "I kissed a girl" are all straight. It's a wonderful scene though. I love how the boys wipe their mouths the moment Henry stops recording. Poor conflicted Henry, heartbroken and adrift watching two heterosexual youngsters (one of whom is his nephew) pretending to be gay in the pursuit of internet fame.

"To be honest, if you really want to know, when I'm watching this sort of thing... I want a kiss."

Oh, and if you are wondering where the names Cucumber, Banana and Tofu come from, they are a reference to the Erection Hardness Scale which goes from Grade 1 (tofu) through Grade 2 (peeled banana), Grade 3 (unpeeled banana) up to Grade 4 (cucumber). I think it's nice to be able to be able to put a number (and a foodstuff) to these things, don't you?

Blue Is The Warmest Colour

Abdellatif Kechiche's 2013 film was marketed as a lesbian love story between Adèle (Adèle Exarchopoulos) and Emma (Léa Seydoux). And while there is a lot of lesbian love stuff here, I think the original French title - La vie d'Adèle chapitres 1 et 2 describes the film better. It's a coming of age story in which Adèle grows up, finds herself, falls in love and then fucks it all up royally. There are plenty of kisses (and a lot of sex) but I think the most memorable kiss takes place near the end of the film when Adèle and Emma meet up in a cafe post breakup. Emma has moved on with her life and is in a new relationship. Adèle however is desperate to reconnect and attempts to seduce Emma into taking her back. It's a painful scene to watch because I think we can all relate to it. Wanting something so much that any sense of pride goes out of the window.

It's also a difficult scene to watch because of all the snotty crying. I watched the whole scene just wishing that Adèle would use a tissue or her sleeve or something to stem the flow of mucus dribbling towards her mouth and oh my God, woman. Don't lick it!

There were reportedly walkouts at some showings of this film. I assume it was all the snot rather than the explicit lesbian sex that upset people.

The Full Monty

Annoyingly, I can't find a picture of the implied kiss that happens between Lomper and Guy but it definitely happened. Well in a an off-screen sort of a way. Lovely as the blossoming relationship is between the two minor characters, I actually thought the rest of the characters' acceptance of two of their number starting a gay relationship, the least plausible part of this otherwise realistic look at life on the unemployment line.

Not that I'm complaining. I love the bit when Mark Addy and Robert Carlyle say "Nowt so queer as folk" and then get an inappropriate bout of the giggles at Lomper's mum's funeral.

You remember the almost-kiss! It happened just after this bit!

Soap Operas tend to lead the way in pushing the boundaries of what it's acceptable to show on prime time telly. I presume this is more due to the fact that the writers start each meeting by asking themselves "Right, what haven't we done yet?" rather than from any sense of crusading justice but the upshot is still the same.

The first pre-watershed lesbian kiss on British television took place in 1994 on now defunct Liverpool-based soap, Brookside. When Beth (Anna Friel) and Margaret (Nicola Stephenson) were shown locking lips, there was quite a bit of brouhaha and "What about the children"-ing in the tabloid newspapers, because, god knows, in a show that depicted domestic violence, murder, armed sieges and rape, who knows what the sight of seeing two women sharing an embrace could have on fragile young minds?

The first male same-sex kiss on mainstream television happened five years before in Eastenders in what was described by The Sun as a "love scene between two yuppie poofs". Because The Sun is the very definition of class.

So have things moved on much in the last twenty years or so? Probably. Although to be honest, it wasn't all that easy to think of examples of lesbian kisses when compiling this list. I couldn't think of any examples off the top of my head of mainstream television or films depicting middle aged women getting off with one another. The media certainly seems happier if all the participants in a lesbian relationship are young and Anna Friel-levels of gorgeous. Where are depictions of women who look like me getting some same sex on-screen tongue action?

I have probably missed all kinds of obvious examples. Ellen DeGeneres and Friends' Susan and Carol come to mind. Let me know what your favourite same sex onscreen kisses are in the comments below.

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